I've had a few stressful days lately so Luke told me to take today off. But it's blogging Wednesday and it's my highlight of the week so I decided to do it still, maybe a bit sooner so I can make some curry - that's Luke's highlight of this week.
Today I'd like to write about self care when you're in a relationship because it seems like a topic less talked about but it's truly affected me so much since I got married last year. ⠀
As an Asian, I've seen my mum and her mums spending years taking care of their families. They always talked about being devoted to family, especially how important it is not to be selfish. But selfish is defined very broadly. It could mean anything from 'you can't take some time to yourself instead of cooking dinner' to 'you can't go to your room and cry instead of cleaning the house'. ⠀
And it baffled me. Am I supposed to suppress my emotional turmoil anytime there's something family or relationship related happening? Am I to never care about myself before my family or relationship? ⠀
After years of being in draining and abusive relationships, I've learnt that if you don't value your inner happiness, you can never be truly happy. So you absolutely need to take care of yourself. In these situations, self care becomes your shield against relationships that are meant to break your spirits. ⠀
But in healthy relationships, I believe you will know joy from taking care of your loved ones as well. For me, I love cooking because it always soothes me. But I'm happier and even cook better when it's for my family. I don't cook everyday for my husband, but every week I'd try to make something new and special for him. Taking care of others can be self care too if it truly makes you happy.⠀
At the end, I guess it's about creating a balance. With Luke, I know he will be there to help me care for myself when I'm down (as he likes to take credit for making me laugh) and he will respect my own space. I've also learnt to be devoted to my marriage (as my mum constantly reminds me) because it will bring joy and peace to me as well. So mum still knows best (just sometimes a bit too extreme?).