Self Care & Making the Right Choices

Have you ever felt like some decisions you make have taken a toll on you? Either mentally or physically? Or both?

I felt that, too. It used to happen to me much more often in the past. What happened last Monday just reminded me of those memories.

On Monday, I had to take the bus outside of town for a work matter. I initially did not have any good feelings about this. Although I did not want it, I decided to go anyway, just for the experience. In the end, my body felt completely exhausted, but thankfully my mind is still fine.

That reminded me of how I am used to be. When I was younger and living in my home country, I had little trouble finding a job, especially one in my field. I was in year 2 when I got my first law job and offered full-time employment at a top law firm before I was graduated. Little did I know, it had created a bubble and obsession for me.

When I decided to stay in Nottingham with Luke, I got an interview for a role outside the city. The job was not related to my field at all, but I did not care. I remembered knowing the role was not right for me but wanting it anyway, and I beat myself up for not getting it.

Since then, any rejection would often get me depressed. I felt horrible having to rely on savings or someone else. My self-depreciation got worse up to a point that it felt like limbo. Luke tried to help me, but I would just keep pushing him away and hurting him.  

Eventually Luke convinced me to be more patient. After leaving my sales job to go back to VN for a vacation, I decided to wait for the right opportunity. After a couple of months, I ended up getting an office job that is everything that I ever wanted. Altogether, it took me more than a year of multiple deviations and breakdowns to arrive at a place where I feel like I am on the right track. Only then did I finally start to feel like myself again - happy, goofy and at peace.  ⠀

That is when I realised that one way of self-care is making the right choices. Self-care is more than just taking care of yourself when you feel down, but to make good decisions that will not lead you to dark places, like my making reckless decisions trapped me in my own obsession that slowly sought to destroy me. 

Although situations can be complicated, I believe caring about yourself is about either putting your needs first or having the strength to walk away. None is an easy decision to make, and mistakes are inevitable. In the end, your inner peace comes from your decisions, so seek to make the best ones.

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